Goodbye to my father

Oct. 30th, 2025 09:40 am
a_natural_beauty: (Default)
[personal profile] a_natural_beauty
I know I was going to start trying to get into the habit of coming back on here again but I have some terrible news - as you all know from the title of this post. My father, my dear daddy passed away on this past Friday the 24th. My mother and him were home, it was about 3 in the afternoon before my nephew who lives with them was expected to come home. My mom got up from her chair in the living room and fell. When she went down she was in such pain - she knew she broke her arm. My dad went go to get her but when he stood up he had complications somehow - either it was his heart or his breathing since he didn't have his oxygen. My mom could hear him but not see him with how she landed and he was yelling for David to come home, that they needed help. David came home and found them - mom on the floor and dad hardly able to stand. David went to get his oxygen - which was on the other side of the room - to try to put on him but dad had just enough time to tell his grandson that he was dying and to call 911 for mom. I think it was after this dad fell onto the floor or he was already on the floor, I can't recall. David made the call and they came. My mom was in shock when she found out he had passed. When I got there they were taking her out in a stretcher and my sister and I got to go upstairs with David to see dad. It was more awful than I expected. There was some blood by him so the next day there was talk that it may have also been a brain animism? I honestly think it was his heart or breathing. My mother and nephew are filled with guilt. The night we came back from the hospital she cried all night and kept saying she killed him because if she wouldn't have fallen he would still be here. We all know that isn't true but still, how can you convince her - she's grieving her best friend and husband. I feel like David's guilt may recover sooner but he is still filled with hurt. I'm filled with a mix of emotions - why this way???? Why couldn't he have died in his sleep? Or down in the basement or somewhere else where it didn't involve my mom and nephew like that... it just upsets me so. Each day I've been crying a bit less, but still just crying and mad and sad and confused and scared and lost. We have been preparing for my mom's death. For months now she has been going down hill. Someday I may be more at peace but for now I still can't understand why the three of them had to be involved like this...
So many other events followed after this tragedy. I'm still trying to grieve for him and deal with present bullshit that some of my family is causing. We knew there would be issues when my father passed but I never expected things to happen so soon and so badly. A few people in my family have turned out to be pretty awful just days after his passing and I have been learning who I can trust and who I cannot going forward. But I may go into that in another post. For right now I am trying to honor him and remember him for the wonderful person he is. November 17th would have been his birthday and I already gave him his gift - a Cleveland browns clock I won in a pumpkin painting contest at the start of the month.
Today is his calling hours. I am putting in his casket a coupon book I made him several years ago, two younger photos of me - one of me in kindergarten and my senior year photo and I wrote him a short letter. Tomorrow is the funeral - on Halloween - which I think someone mentioned would be a bad day for it, but I don't think my dad would have cared. He liked Halloween. In the meantime I don't know much much time I will have free because I will be helping my mother and nephew as much as I can be. I put my comic Promised Memories on hiatus for now. It's strange, I was actually thinking about that as of lately, of what it would be like if it was on hiatus. I love you all and hope you are doing well. Take care of yourselves and give your loved ones hugs and kisses when you can. Life is way to unexpected, short and unfair.

unpopular opinions

Oct. 30th, 2025 06:02 am
yhlee: Alto clef and whole note (middle C). (Default)
[personal profile] yhlee
Saying that the creative process of creation/conception for a story/novel MUST START with character/goal/motivation is complete fucking nonsense. You will usually need it in the END PRODUCT (modulo weird edge cases like Olaf Stapledon's Last and First Men), but that doesn't have to be the inception.

cf. composing music, where this would be like saying to a composer: you MUST ALWAYS start FIRST with a melody or you MUST ALWAYS start FIRST with a harmonic progression or you MUST ALWAYS start FIRST with instrumentation etc. No??? You can start in any of a number of places and still wind up with music???

There are times you need to start with $XYZ because of the use case (if writing for a string quartet, that constrains your instrumentation, ranges, techniques).

But when writing music, I can START in ANY of these places (not a complete list) (and have done so at various points):

- instrumentation
- tempo
- time signature
- harmonic progression
- a rhythm
- a vibe
- key/mode/etc
- melody or leitmotif
- structure/form (e.g. theme and variations, ternary form)
- a transformation (e.g. diminution, retrograde)
- articulation(s) to feature
- trolling ("What if I rewrote Swan Lake's theme in 5/4?")
etc

You're not going to be able to tell which one from the RESULTING MUSIC as an end product.

For that matter, watching web/comic creators talk about story ideation is fascinating. A bunch of them start with "I drew this cool character, but who are they? what is their story?", which is absolutely not my process since I don't visualize, but it's a perfectly cromulent process!

[music] Trailures and Other Fiascoes

Oct. 29th, 2025 10:18 pm
yhlee: Alto clef and whole note (middle C). (Default)
[personal profile] yhlee
I committed a mini-album on Bandcamp of Trailures and Other Fiascoes (= "failure trailers"). Hybrid orchestra instrumental music because mopey foxmoth can't sing.

(I know voice lessons exist but for medical reasons, sore throat for over a year; singing is contraindicated.)



(This is accumulated composition/production from the past few months; I'm bowing out of a bunch of things currently due to ongoing health stuff. I don't want to discuss health details further, thanks!)

lunk

Oct. 29th, 2025 01:43 pm
paperghost: (Default)
[personal profile] paperghost
Found a random Angelfire page of old Neopets art.

https://www.angelfire.com/empire/angel_the_faerie/

All The Memes

Oct. 29th, 2025 02:20 pm
scifirenegade: The seventh Doctor and Ace standing under an umbrella and having a grand ol' time. (seven & ace)
[personal profile] scifirenegade
Because everyone's doing the alphabet meme.

Rules: How many letters of the alphabet have you used for starting a fic title? One fic per line, ‘A’ and 'The’ do not count for 'a’ and ’t’. Post your score out of 26 at the end, along with your total fic count.


A - Always Misunderstood - F.P.1, Droste/Ellissen, pre-canon, drabble

B - Birthday - Anders als die Andern, Kurt(/Paul), post-canon, drabble and a half

C - Close your eyes and I'll kiss you - Ich und die Kaiserin, Juliette/Marquis, post-canon, drabble

D - Dance With Me - Ich und die Kaiserin, Didier/Juliette, pre-canon, quintuple drabble

E - nothing to see here

F - Frills - Ich und die Kaiserin, Juliette/Marquis, post-canon, ficlet (in-universe diary)

G - Give Chase - The Blue Parrot, Bob, post-canon, drabble and a half

H - Helmet - The Adventures of Sir Lancelot, Lancelot/Lynette, post-Sir Crustabread, three sentence fic

I - The Inevitable - Anders als die Andern, Paul(/Kurt), during canon, drabble

J - Just a Parrot - The Blue Parrot, Bob and Maureen, post-canon, drabble

K - nothing to see here

L - Leave All but the Memories - Anders als die Andern, Kurt, post-canon, drabble

M - Meow? What About Me? - The Adventures of Sir Lancelot, Brian, three sentence fic

N - Naamio - A Woman's Face, Torsten, half-drabble

O - Overwhelming - Ich und die Kaiserin, Juliette/Marquis, post-canon, drabble

P - Philately - Nazi Agent, Otto, pre-canon, drabble

Q - nothing to see here

R - The Rose is Red, the Violet is Blue - Ich und die Kaiserin, Juliette/Marquis, post-canon, microfic (in-universe poetry)

S - The sin was mine - Sex in Chains, Alfred, pre-canon, drabble

T - Triangle - Ich und die Kaiserin, Didier/Juliette/Marquis, post-canon, triple drabble

U - Unrequited - The Last Performance, Julie, canon divergence, drabble

V - Valse - Ich und die Kaiserin, Juliette/Marquis, post-canon, three sentence fic

W - The Walk - Doctor Who, Barbara/Ian, drabble

X - nothing to see here

Y - Yearning - The Adventures of Hal 5, The Vicar/Original Character, drabble

Z - nothing to see here

Which makes it 21/26. And turns out I have over 100 fics o_O

And now for some hot koffie another installement of the fanperson meme.

Who is your favorite character or member within your fandom, and why?
Ace. Came for the cool, stayed for some increbible character development.

What is your favorite installment, episode, or album from your fandom?
Ghost Light is the best DW story.

Do you have a favorite quote, lyric, or saying from your fandom?
I love the "There are worlds out there where the sky is burning" speech. Poetic, represents Doctor Who perfectly. The nicest way to end an era.

What’s your favorite fan-created content (art, music, video, story) related to your fandom?
Hard to decide. Maybe the whole work of one of the first people I followed here on Dreamwidth, who hasn't written for Doctor Who in years but I'm glad she's still going!

Who is your favorite pair or group within the fandom in terms of chemistry or dynamics?
The seventh Doctor and Ace :D

Do you have a preferred genre when it comes to fan fiction or fan works in your fandom?
I like to think I'm open to anything.

What’s your favorite piece of lore or backstory within your fandom’s universe?
I like the life cataloguer who hated evolution *is a Ghost Light enjoyer*

Is there a particular scene, moment, or episode that always makes you emotional or excited?
It has been almost 15 years but That Scene in The Curse of Fenric. It fucks me up every time.

What’s your preferred platform for engaging with fellow fans and content (forums, social media, etc.)?
Tumblr for Doctor Who (mostly rebligs), Dreamwidth for everything (even Icm not good at talking). Pillowfort is to have part-constructive, part-squeeful interactions with one cool person.

Can you name a favorite moment when the community came together to support the fandom or a cause?
There was a Barbara/Ian zine that raised money for breast cancer. Smaller than most zines I usually see, but it's still nice.

What’s your favorite way to show your fandom pride (cosplay, apparel, tattoos, etc.)?
I have three Van Gogh pins, so I guess that (one broke a few weeks ago, sad).

Who’s your favorite content creator, artist, or writer within the fandom, and what do you love about their work?
See the fan-created content question.

Note: I do not like the use of the word "content" when associtaed with fan-produced media, but that's a rant for another time.

emotional support dyeing?

Oct. 29th, 2025 10:43 am
yhlee: Alto clef and whole note (middle C). (Default)
[personal profile] yhlee
hand-dyed handspun yarn

A test batch to see how the colors come out. Next I start measuring out and doing this more systematically.

Three-ply handspun wool yarn.

Wednesday Reading

Oct. 29th, 2025 06:53 am
seleneheart: From Arcane, Jinx holding Fishbones, about to fire it (Jinx Fishbones)
[personal profile] seleneheart
1. What have you recently finished reading?
  • Two Twisted Crowns by Rachel Gillig. Loved this one! Second (and last) book in The Shepherd King duology. Perfect autumn read as both books take place between the autumn equinox and winter solstice. Fantasy.


2. What are you currently reading?
  • Empire of Grass by Tad Williams. This will be in this category for a while, it's over 1000 pages long.

  • The Wild Huntress by Emily Lloyd-Jones. As I type out her last name, I realize why her book is set where it is, which is a fantasy version of medieval Wales.

  • The God of the Woods by Liz Moore. I'm reserving judgment.


3. What will you be reading next?​
Hard to say. I do have a list of 'Want to Read' books that I'm working through. But I could potentially finish up the last Lily Adler mystery. I also have hard copies of The Spellshop and Six of Crows sitting on my shelf. Lots of possibilities!

Cardigan nights

Oct. 28th, 2025 06:05 pm
radiantfracture: Beadwork bunny head (Default)
[personal profile] radiantfracture
There's a gorgeous windstorm going on. Beautiful for listening to, not so great for trying to hear the UPS truck.

Like a fool who thinks it's 2015, I ordered clothing online from the United States and have been fretting about it ever since. All shipping interfaces were as incoherent as you might expect.

But Blamo was having a deep-discount flash sale and I have been drooling over this non-species-specific sock-animal onesie for... a long time.

Sadly, that magnificent garment was not on sale and incidentally profoundly impractical. So I ordered this Completely Normal Cardigan(tm) instead:



... it happens to have this hood:





(Not sure why the resolution is so crap here.)

There did end up being tariff charges, but not that bad.

I... feel more whole as a person.

§rf§

PS I swear it did not have to be a rabbit.

x-post

Oct. 28th, 2025 09:44 pm
paperghost: (Mars)
[personal profile] paperghost
I don't like compartmentalizing myself. I hate making alts unless it's a burner account or like, NSFW. (But I deleted my "AD" Bsky and it wasn't for socializing.) I'm going to post stupid shit, little animal toys, and very disturbing music in the same place....

Compilation of Whitehouse-related posts I made elsewhere:

Oct 18th:
don't listen to whitehouse. it sounds awful, is purposely offensive for shock value, and peter sotos is an absolute psycho. but it truly was there for me when no one was

Oct 19th:
i'm thinking about whitehouse again. i'm not in the state i was in 2019-2020 so i wouldn't be able to stomach listening to it. but i feel a lot of ways about it i wish i could describe
#i want to be a bandom person so bad #in general not towards british people and their true crime psycho friend recording heavy machinery sounds #and screaming into the mic some insane offensive shit #shout out to “lightning struck my dick” for having a schizo bit about da j00s that genius left out #DO NOT LISTEN TO WHITEHOUSE IT IS VERY BAD
Oct 21st:
i unironically have a traumatic bond with whitehouse. i know i'm not the only one who feels this way, but it's a really fucked up feeling like having your insides pulled out (emotionally)
#yeah yeah i should probably make a rym account or something #not now. #one song i “love” i can never show people because it made me cry and have a triggered breakdown afterward #when i used twitter there was a card carrying /tttt/ poster i grew to unironically like because >whitehouse mention #**** makes you crazy
RateYourMusic has decent takes on Whitehouse from what I've seen:

Whitehouse: A band that arguably took a decade and a half to even start making music you could take seriously. A group of edgelords taking Gen X anger to the most nitpicking and hyper-aware, misanthropic extreme. Musicians who always had something bogging their albums down, and were ultimately only good at one thing... but they sometimes did that one thing really damn well, perhaps most importantly with very audible passion and character.

This compilation, devoid of their weaker cuts or Sotos' interview collages, makes up for its context as a mere compilation album by a pretty good sequencing of the best songs the band has to offer; while the inclusion or absence of some songs could be argued over, the indisputably best tracks are all here. It's hard to deny that if you're not as big of a musical historian as some of us, then this might be the only Whitehouse album you ever need. Some would argue even a single one is too much, but I think everyone deserves at least one day to tackle if they somehow enjoy a British man screaming the word "cunt" at them over and over.

Although Whitehouse's approach to noise and power electronics can be quite grating if you aren't in the specific mood for it, I consider their later material to be one of the best examples of the entire genre. Flowing much like an album and removing the edgelord pseudointellectual contributions of Peter Sotos, The Sound of Being Alive is a very well-curated compilation of this era and the perfect introduction for anyone wanting to dip their toes into some of the harshest, intense material the band has to offer. Definitely one of the best compilations in my collection by far.

I've never been a huge fan of most of Whitehouse's studio albums. Their early stuff is more shock value-oriented to me than anything else and even in their golden age of albums like Mummy and Daddy and Bird Seed, they still had to fuck them up by throwing in one of Peter Sotos' distasteful recordings throwing the albums' evil nature into a much more cringy 13-year-old edgelord territory. This compilation record is without a doubt the best release I've heard from them. Here they picked some of the group's most infamously noisy tracks. Some songs are definitely better than others but none of the tracks here feel out of place because they all flow together very well. This has to be one of the best-structured compilation albums I've heard in a while. I think my only complaint is that there are a few tracks that I think should have been on here like "Just Like a Cunt" or "Philosophy of the Wife-Beater." Also, the album cover gives off too much slacker rock vibes.

In the last decade of their existence, Whitehouse would create what would become the most influential and most dominant sound in the genre for years to come.

A true testament to neoliberal alienation: abhorrent suspect with ineffectual cynicism, petty critique of hyper specific identification, indulgence of symptom. The stinking lie is maintained.

Added bonus: Peter Sotos’ archival dredge is completely absent.


I might grab The Sound of Being Alive. I agree that it's the "safest" or easily digestible Whitehouse album, which is saying a lot and not very much at all. And it's free of Peter Sotos' disgusting antics lol!!!

I might see if Come is on Soulseek at one point. Both William Bennet and JG Thirwell were in it, which is an interesting crossover...
ride_4ever: (due Diligence)
[personal profile] ride_4ever
[personal profile] petra has posted that if you donate at least $25 in cash or food to a food bank at any point between now and the end of the Trump Administration, and you either share a fandom of theirs and want a drabble or poetry for that fandom, or if you want original poetry, comment to [personal profile] petra about your donation and they will write for you.

For full details, including where to post your comment-of-donation and your writing request see their Dreamwidth post.

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